words

"nobody looks at a floating log in a river, and says, 'oh, i'd like to chase that boring log. let's see where it goes.'"

A couple weeks ago, I realized that I have been floating for the last few years. Sure, I have the greatest friends in the world. The Lord has blessed me with so many wonderful things, but what am I doing with that?

I don't really know what I want to be in life. I don't know where I'm going. And while I've realized that sometimes it's okay not to know everything, and that sometimes it's okay to trust the Lord and see where he takes you, you have to have some purpose in life.

I don't even know if I believe the deep down principles of the church, anymore. I know that my Savior died for me, and that he loves me. I know that Joseph Smith restored the gospel on this earth. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the word of God on earth today. But man alive, I couldn't tell you for the life of me what that really means to me right now.

It turns out that floating is pretty easy. You don't really have to do anything. None of your faith is ever tested, none of your promises are ever broken, you never have to worry about getting hurt.
But where's the fun in that? How are we supposed to grow and learn if we never struggle? How can you believe something you've never had to defend?



If any of this made any sense to anyone, I'm glad.
But if it made sense to no one, that's okay too.

Sometimes you just need to write.